The Holy War of the Instructionless Net Crusaders

Once upon a time in the virtual realm of Internettia, a land where scrolls were replaced by screens and pigeons by pixels, there commenced the grandest and most confused battle ever known to humankind – The Internet Religion Wars.

The combatants? The Christians, the Muslims, the Hindus, the Buddhists, the Atheists, and the Agnostics. And let’s not forget the Pastafarians, led by their mighty, noodly appendage.

Act I: The Unholy Commencement

The war began on a sunny digital morning when Bob, the Baptist, decided to post a status: “Heaven is like high-speed internet, and I’ve got the password!” This was misinterpreted by Ali, the Atheist, who retorted, “Well, I prefer my broadband hellishly fast and without moral judgments!”

This misunderstanding ignited the spark that led to the Great Misinterpretation Melee. Each party, armed with memes and hashtags rather than swords and shields, charged into battle without a second thought – or any thought, really.

Act II: The Babel of Browsers

In the forums of Internettia, the Buddhists, seeking peace, posted a serene image of the Buddha meditating. However, due to a faulty translation plugin, the caption read: “Buddha thinks you all should seriously chill out.” This, of course, was taken as fighting words.

Meanwhile, the Hindus created a beautiful, multi-armed emoji meant to represent the goddess Durga. But due to an unfortunate glitch, it appeared to everyone else as a very aggressive octopus, leading to widespread panic and underwater warfare theories.

Act III: The Sacred Scroll of Misdirection

The real trouble began when someone stumbled upon the Sacred Scroll of Netiquette, buried under a pile of forgotten cat videos and outdated memes. It was rumored that the Scroll contained the lost “Instructions for Peaceful Internet Coexistence.”

Unfortunately, the Scroll was in PDF format, and nobody had the patience to download it. Besides, it was more than one page long, and the second page was landscape for some reason, which was universally accepted as an unforgivable curse.

Act IV: The Quest for the WiFi Password of Wisdom

Legend told of an ancient WiFi network that provided unfettered access to the Truth. The problem? The password was lost to time. Our religious warriors, deciding that this might end the war, banded together in the most uneasy alliance ever seen.

Their quest led them through treacherous threads, over perilous posts, and into the dark web’s deepest dungeons. They faced trolls, dodged flaming comments, and navigated through pop-up ad minefields.

In the end, they found the modem, ancient and covered in cobwebs. With bated breath, they looked to the sticky note beneath it, upon which the password was written: “ReadTheInstructions1234.”

Epilogue: The Revelation of Reading

As they entered the sacred password, a revelation dawned on them. The Truth they sought was not a divine secret or a mystical artifact. It was the simple, overlooked wisdom found on the first page of the Sacred Scroll of Netiquette: “Be kind. Listen more than you speak. And for heaven’s sake, think before you post.”

The Internet Religion Wars came to an abrupt halt. The combatants, now enlightened to the follies of their ways, disbanded and returned to their homes, slightly embarrassed but wiser.

And from that day forth, every time someone was about to enter the fray of online debate, they would remember the legendary password and the battle that wasn’t – all because nobody had bothered to read the instructions first.

Thus, peace was restored in Internettia, saved by the most powerful magic of all: common sense and a good dose of Monty Python-esque humor.